Saturday, February 25, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Limitless Reviews is NO MORE
Blogger is good, Wordpress is better. All these posts have been moved to ThisTrailerSucks.Wordpress.Com and I will continue reviewing trailers, games old and new, and just about anything else I can think of over there. So.... go now!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Dark Knight Rises Trailer Review
So, I am not going to lie. This looks pretty bad ass.
I first saw this trailer in the theater while waiting for Under World to begin (BTW go see that movie if you have not already). The trailer opens with some little bastard singing our national anthem at a football game, and sadly the singing continues throughout the first half of the trailer. Then it cuts to some scene were Bruce and Alfred are having a little heart to heart about how Alfred failed at protecting Bruce and broke his promise to Bruce's parents.
Don't beat yourself up too much Alfred, I mean after all Bruce's BILLIONAIRE parents did ask a fucking BUTLER to look after their son. They must have never seen the classic Disney movie Aristocats.
That always bothered me about Batman. I mean why would Bruce's parents leave a butler in charge of their son? And were are all the other servants in Wayne Manor? You're telling me this old geezer can keep up with all the upkeep required in that place? No way. NO. FUCKING. WAY.
Anyway, lets get back on topic. We get a good look at BAINE in this trailer and really what can I say that hasn't already been said? I am not sure how they are going to pull this one off. But to be honest I was weary about Heath Ledger as the Joker in Dark Knight so this could go either way. Lets just hope he does not end up looking like Bo Abobo from Double Dragon.
It's also hinted that Commissioner Gordon is going to be out of a job soon because he is a 'war hero' and this i a time of peace. I am excited to see how they work Cat Woman into this movie, you only get a glimpse of her in the trailer and in that scene she is warning Bruce that the shit is about to hit the fan. How she knows this, I am not sure. Maybe this movie will ge really griddy and we will see Anne Hathaway take a dump in a litter pan and turn her melevolent shits into some sort of exsplosive to aid Batman. THAT would be Oscar worthy.
I do like that this movie seems to want to send an additional message. I think this story is going to be really relevant to how things are going in the U.S. right now and hit on some serious issues.
The special effect's are awesome too. I really love the scene of the entire football field just crumbling beneath the players feet. But I am not so happy about whatever flying drone is chasing the bat mobile later on the trailer. Looks a little too much like terminator and that is not a good look for anybody.
Overall this trailer really makes you want to pay the 20.00 theaters will charge.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Resident Evil Retribution Trailer Review
Here We Go Again.
Would someone please explain to me how they keep getting Milla Jovovich to keep starring in these fucking movies?
Uhg, on with the review.
This trailer opens up with everyone holding some form of a cell phone/tablet saying "this is my world" which I really don't understand. Are we to accept that after the end of the last movie the human race goes back to normal andwe all decided to go out and buy fucking iPads? Weren't they on a ship in the middle of the ocean in the last one? Whothe fuck knows, anyway after we see about 6 people all happy as shit with their social media devices the camera shows the other side of earth and it gets really stupid. The camera zooms in on ALICE dressed like Raiden circa MGS2 standing on top of the WHITE HOUSE while foul winged hell beasts flap around her.
Are you fucking kidding me? She is on top of the fucking white house with fucking dragons?! It gets even better, after that we are shown glimpses of scenes all more ridiculous than the last. There is an image of the RES characters climbing up what I am assuming is Mt. Everest, a car being chased by a T-Rex/Rhino/WhogivesaFUCK, and there's even a Halo Reach Helicopter shooting at Alice at 54 sec.
Uncanny resemblance, I know.
I think the best part of the trailer is right at the end when Alice is whipping people with chains in an all white room. That really connected with me as a RES gamer because I totally remember the part in all the RES when you beat the shit out of people with chains (LAWL). You couldn't pay me to go see this giant waste of time.
Would someone please explain to me how they keep getting Milla Jovovich to keep starring in these fucking movies?
Uhg, on with the review.
This trailer opens up with everyone holding some form of a cell phone/tablet saying "this is my world" which I really don't understand. Are we to accept that after the end of the last movie the human race goes back to normal andwe all decided to go out and buy fucking iPads? Weren't they on a ship in the middle of the ocean in the last one? Whothe fuck knows, anyway after we see about 6 people all happy as shit with their social media devices the camera shows the other side of earth and it gets really stupid. The camera zooms in on ALICE dressed like Raiden circa MGS2 standing on top of the WHITE HOUSE while foul winged hell beasts flap around her.
Are you fucking kidding me? She is on top of the fucking white house with fucking dragons?! It gets even better, after that we are shown glimpses of scenes all more ridiculous than the last. There is an image of the RES characters climbing up what I am assuming is Mt. Everest, a car being chased by a T-Rex/Rhino/WhogivesaFUCK, and there's even a Halo Reach Helicopter shooting at Alice at 54 sec.
Uncanny resemblance, I know.
I think the best part of the trailer is right at the end when Alice is whipping people with chains in an all white room. That really connected with me as a RES gamer because I totally remember the part in all the RES when you beat the shit out of people with chains (LAWL). You couldn't pay me to go see this giant waste of time.
Mobile Review
Unblock Me
Unblock me is a game free to download on iTunes and the Android market. I first was introduced to it one night while I was searching the Android market for a good time waster app. When I found Unblock Me it was love at first sight.
Basically, the objective is to move the red block through the passageway. You accomplish this by moving the other blocks around until a clear path is formed. Since there is no story line I suggest making up your own to make things a bit more interesting. For instance I named my red block "Harold" and in my story line Harold is about to shit his pants and needs to get to the bathroom but all these other fucking blocks are in the way! It really creates a sense of urgency and leaves me asking questions like:
- What did Harold eat?
- Does he have I.B.S.?
- Will there be toilet paper when he gets there?
See what I mean? Anyway,the puzzles in Unblock Me are quite challenging. Sometimes I find myself staring at the screen and trying to will and exit to appear with my eye balls, and when that doesn't work I just close the app and go on a 2 hour Facebook "like" spree.
BOTTOM LINE: Its a really straight forward game. One main objective, BUT Its FREE so why not download it?
Unblock me is a game free to download on iTunes and the Android market. I first was introduced to it one night while I was searching the Android market for a good time waster app. When I found Unblock Me it was love at first sight.
Basically, the objective is to move the red block through the passageway. You accomplish this by moving the other blocks around until a clear path is formed. Since there is no story line I suggest making up your own to make things a bit more interesting. For instance I named my red block "Harold" and in my story line Harold is about to shit his pants and needs to get to the bathroom but all these other fucking blocks are in the way! It really creates a sense of urgency and leaves me asking questions like:
- What did Harold eat?
- Does he have I.B.S.?
- Will there be toilet paper when he gets there?
See what I mean? Anyway,the puzzles in Unblock Me are quite challenging. Sometimes I find myself staring at the screen and trying to will and exit to appear with my eye balls, and when that doesn't work I just close the app and go on a 2 hour Facebook "like" spree.
BOTTOM LINE: Its a really straight forward game. One main objective, BUT Its FREE so why not download it?
Friday, January 20, 2012
Dead Island Review
DEAD ISLAND (XBOX 360)
Trapped on a resort Island that's inhabited with hordes of the undead, drivable vehicles, leveling up... did I mention zombies?! Sounds awesome right? WRONG!
Dead Island had an awesome trailer, remember? The trailer showcases a family on vacation when the outbreak takes place and it is very emotional. The trailer also featured a really great song (that's never played during game play ONCE) and it really looked like Dead Island was going to make a more sophisticated zombie game. But it saddens me to report that the actual game is almost NOTHING like the trailer.
The game starts with a video shot through the perspective of some high/drunk asshole (Charlie Sheen?) wandering about the resort stumbling into people and generally pissing people off and even stealing some poor dying girls medication right off the bathroom floor, all the while some ridiculous rap song called "Who Do You Voodoo Bitch" pumps in the background.
It was at this point in the game that I suspected I had been lied to and led astray by the trailer. But I decided to continue playing. After the video is over the game demanded I pick between four of the most retarded characters I have ever seen. Your options are as follows:
1-Worthless Asian hotel desk clerk
2-Ex-Red Neck Football player with a bum knee
3-Washed up rapper responsible for the "Who Do You Voodoo" bullshit of a song. This guys is probably the most laughable, he has a doo-rag on and a full on leather trench coat. (Morpheus? Lawl.)
4-Foxy Cleopatra
I decided to go with the football player because the others were just too ridiculous to even be considered. I want to stress that the first 10 minutes of the game are the best out of the entire campaign. You really feel a sense of urgency to get the hell out of that hotel and meet up with the other survivors and there are a few surprises waiting for you before you leave. But after you meet up with the other survivors it becomes clear what you are going to be doing for the next 15 hours.
The main objective is to get off the island and everyone who has survived aside from you might as well be dead. These people cant do fuck for themselves. You have to feed them, bring them water, bring them cars, you name it they need it and that's all you do. Some of the worthless bastards even make requests like "can you bring me a bottle of champagne". They should have given you the option to kill off the especially annoying survivors and use them as meat bags to distract the zombies. Not that you really need to distract the zombies, they are no challenge at all.
I was given a variety of weapons to choose form in D.I. but the best one by far was my characters own right foot. For some reason my single foot could send multiple zombies flying backwards through the air, even though he had a supposedly "bum knee". LIES!!!
BOTTOM LINE: I'm not really convinced Dead Island knew what it was suppose to be. It had potential for greatness but after all the back tracking and babysitting the other survivors it wound up playing more like an M Rated Nintendogs.
Trapped on a resort Island that's inhabited with hordes of the undead, drivable vehicles, leveling up... did I mention zombies?! Sounds awesome right? WRONG!
Dead Island had an awesome trailer, remember? The trailer showcases a family on vacation when the outbreak takes place and it is very emotional. The trailer also featured a really great song (that's never played during game play ONCE) and it really looked like Dead Island was going to make a more sophisticated zombie game. But it saddens me to report that the actual game is almost NOTHING like the trailer.
The game starts with a video shot through the perspective of some high/drunk asshole (Charlie Sheen?) wandering about the resort stumbling into people and generally pissing people off and even stealing some poor dying girls medication right off the bathroom floor, all the while some ridiculous rap song called "Who Do You Voodoo Bitch" pumps in the background.
It was at this point in the game that I suspected I had been lied to and led astray by the trailer. But I decided to continue playing. After the video is over the game demanded I pick between four of the most retarded characters I have ever seen. Your options are as follows:
1-Worthless Asian hotel desk clerk
2-Ex-Red Neck Football player with a bum knee
3-Washed up rapper responsible for the "Who Do You Voodoo" bullshit of a song. This guys is probably the most laughable, he has a doo-rag on and a full on leather trench coat. (Morpheus? Lawl.)
4-Foxy Cleopatra
I decided to go with the football player because the others were just too ridiculous to even be considered. I want to stress that the first 10 minutes of the game are the best out of the entire campaign. You really feel a sense of urgency to get the hell out of that hotel and meet up with the other survivors and there are a few surprises waiting for you before you leave. But after you meet up with the other survivors it becomes clear what you are going to be doing for the next 15 hours.
The main objective is to get off the island and everyone who has survived aside from you might as well be dead. These people cant do fuck for themselves. You have to feed them, bring them water, bring them cars, you name it they need it and that's all you do. Some of the worthless bastards even make requests like "can you bring me a bottle of champagne". They should have given you the option to kill off the especially annoying survivors and use them as meat bags to distract the zombies. Not that you really need to distract the zombies, they are no challenge at all.
I was given a variety of weapons to choose form in D.I. but the best one by far was my characters own right foot. For some reason my single foot could send multiple zombies flying backwards through the air, even though he had a supposedly "bum knee". LIES!!!
BOTTOM LINE: I'm not really convinced Dead Island knew what it was suppose to be. It had potential for greatness but after all the back tracking and babysitting the other survivors it wound up playing more like an M Rated Nintendogs.
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